long.

haven't written in a while..i will soon, not right now, for 3 reasons...

1. I am tired.
2. my nails are drying and the smell is giving me a headache..
3. ..not helped by the teatowel i tied around my head for the Hells Kitchen final...

ciaoo x

jaded.

I don't know what to do, or say. I don't know what I can.
But slowly going insane. I don't know how much longer I can let you put it off.

shower.

Inconsistency is my middle name.
Like Oliver Cromwell, I am consistent in nothing. Which will help in revising for my unit 6 exam, but not in much else.

ain't it funny.

So I haven't posted in a while, so its probably about time.
There's been a few moments of hilarity, none of which I can remember (or would seem so funny out of context and so on). These holidays have been good so far, haven't really done much though, and have done even less work.
Teds isn't talking to me, and i'm not sure why. I was supposed to meet up with him on wednesday but then I couldn't because I forgot I was supposed to be visiting the Regal in Oxford with my sister and helping with her website, whilst that was also my only free day to do homework. So I sent him a text tuesday afternoon and have had no reply. So really, if he's going to be like that then fuck it.
Also, Bike is being a bit of an idiot about this whole thing and whilst he is texting me back now, still not really talking and he seems very reluctant.
But one advantage has come out of this, which is that i'm beginning to work out exactly how I operate in terms of people. Which isn't necessarily a good thing because i'm mainly finding faults. At least, I think I am.
I think I might have been a bit hasty, however on reflection this is ok because of my horoscope (which why explain why i'm feeling as i am at the moment). So it feels as it does when a close friend or something goes away, or you break up with someone and you know it's wrong.
But then i'm thinking this is just because I like to want what I can't have and when I can have it, I don't want it anymore. A bit like that guy in that film with Jennifer Aniston where he's sleeping with her but isn't interested when he finds out she's dumped her "boyfriend" for him.
So yeah.
But I might actually be missing him. I know I am as a friend, because he's the only one I could really talk to but I just don't know.

If anyone's reading this, some advice would be nice.

just dance.

So its 3 minutes to midnight (almost got Iron Maiden in there) and it is FREEZING in my room. I've started getting cold hand syndrome again which means i'm on the computer too much (resting arm on desk cuts off circulation = coldness) but this doesn't explain why my feet are always so cold.

I was just thinking about music. I used to always be sifting through Purevolume and Myspace Music and so on, trying to find something new, but now I don't. I was thinking about songs by Less Than Jake and singing them in my head, loving the words and the rythmn and just everything. But whenever I have those songs on my itunes/ipod, I skip past them. I'm skipping My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte (can't believe i've still got them on there) and I don't know why. They used to set me on fire but now? Not so sure.

Either way, I am looking forward to McFly in a few weeks time, they never fail to make me fall in love with their music everytime, like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. Love it. Love the rush.

I still have no idea what i'm going to do for my birthday. Do I want a party? Do I want a present? Do I want money? I DONT KNOW. I suppose this is because I am female. We never really know what we want. Or that's just me, but that's how it is, either way.

Ho hum. I am hungry but cannot eat because I have recently brushed my teeth and still have that minty taste that makes everything taste revolting.

Yay for health.

Or not.

happens.

Well, I told Mr R (Who shall hereafter be referred to as 'Bike') that I didn't like him like that (anymore. Too little too late or something, isnt it?).

Basically, i told him that i didn't like him like that, and that even if i did, nothing could ever happen (for reasons i have previously mentioned on here). There was something I left out however, and that was that he loves his bike way too much, that he is too preoccupied with it to really commit to a relationship. Hence why he is also known as bike.
His poor girlfriend =/

My phone is also on the blink, the light randomly chooses not to flash, the 'x' looking button (for go back, delete, etc) is broken and the silly little scroller ball sometimes decides not to let me go one way or another. It also only has the capacity for 120 texts which is not good. My dad is going to get my lovely little Samsung E250 unlocked from O2 for me so I can use that until my contract runs out in august.

Selling my Reading tickets, the line up isn't doing anything for me and I have better things to spend money on (waiting for Blink 182 to announce dates!!). Just need the guy to give me his money, would be nice.

Going shopping tomorrow, need to get something to wear to this rave party in april, also need to decide on outfit for beach theme party this saturday. Cannot wear bikini/tankini top because a) not enough support for this sort of thing b) cannot wear bra with either and c) will be cold. one word; nipples.

Might just wear a towel (with undies) and a belt. And shoes, obviously. Could be a go-er, need to think about level of appropriateness ie. how long will it stay up??

Need to go and sort out the other aspects of my internet life now, I have succumed to the power of twitter...god help me.

weakness.

Alright. So i'm just going to type for a while hopefully, and see what becomes of this.

I'm currently sat in the dark with just the light of my laptop screen slowly burning my tired eyes. I always wonder, when I do this, why am I still sat here? My eyes are tired, my head starts to hurt and I can't really think or concentrate. And then I think, and I realise. That actually, when I have my depressed days (or weeks, as it goes), I wonder what I have to wake up to. The answer is usually nothing. So I know that while i'm wasting time here, trying to convince myself i'm doing something productive, i'm really just putting off sleeping so I don't wake up so soon.
I've suddenly found myself with about 28 days left of life as I know it, and it's slipping away so swiftly, like sand through my fingers. I can't hold on.

So that's why I'm still here. I have just under 2 weeks until a 2 week break, and it can start as many days away as it likes. I wonder if everyone goes through this when they have to leave somewhere they've been happy and comfortable for 7 years? Although I'm not sure why - I didn't feel like this when I left junior school, or perhaps I didn't know it. And i'm definitely not happy or comfortable there anymore.

I always want things until I can get them, too. Mr R decides that he likes me now, and I don't want anything to do with him. Mainly for reasons outlined in a previous post. It's just because he's within my grasp. Defective relationships, here I come. Let's blame Thorn again.

I spoke to him on facebook the other night, as well. He denied his sloppy seconds and we were ok. This doesn't mean that I want to be friends, however.

A matter of extreme emergency, too. I have had a massive breakout of spots thanks to this Simple so-called kind to sensitive skin stuff. Hello allergic reaction. Ho hum.

Also I picked up my friend today because we were going to see the A2 drama students' play, and I forgot to put the handbrake on when I parked, so by the time we got to the car it had started to roll off. We got the *lolz* and I grabbed the back door handle while he got in the car and yanked the handbrake up. Naturally I scolded him for not pushing in the button because it makes that horrible grating sound before thanking him. But he didn't mind.
The play was hilarious.